How to Manage Rejection as an Actor

As an actor we deal with rejection constantly, in fact if you weigh up how many times you heard, “we have decided to go in a different direction”, rejection is two thirds of the job.

An acting career is incredibly dynamic and exciting, it keeps us on our toes and we are always challenged to show up as our best selves and keep growing.

We also often spend more time looking for work than actually being in work.

So finding ways to befriend and accept rejection will make the road to success that much smoother.

I’ve heard many professional actors say that it gets easier, and remembering that rejection isn’t personal really helps.

The advice given is that you have to grow a very thick skin, and that knowing that you being “good or talented enough” is actually a very unlikely reason as to wether you recieve the role or not.

There are in fact multiple factors involved and a whole group of decision makers who need to have input on that final casting decision. Remember if you show up and do your best work in the room, it’s never a failure, because even if this time you weren’t the right casting for that part, you might be just what they are looking for in the future and now they have you on file.

They may have a very specific personality or look in mind which you simply can’t fit. They may have worked with an actor before and already have them in mind for that particular role, etc etc. The majority of the time, it’s not because you, weren’t good enough, qualified enough, or didn’t do your absolute best and nail the audition.

Yet despite knowing all this, there are still days when it feels deeply personal and can get us down. Often causing us to feel demotivated, unfulfilled and questioning if acting is truly the work for us.

The sad fact is, that many truly great actors do not make it in this industry, not because they weren’t good enough but because they simply didn’t continue to pursue it and lost faith in their own abilities. Audacity and courage, not talent, are the true dictating factors to longevity and success.

So how can we deal with rejection on the days when we feel more vulnerable and our inner critic is showing up unwelcome?

Here are some of my favourite tools…

Compare Yourself to Others…. Yes I actually said that!

It’s when we are feeling low that we often start to compare ourselves to others in a negative light, feeling a sense of underachievement, or not being good enough. Comparison can be very damaging but it can also be a helpful tool when used in a positive way. Stick with me here….

We all have a unique journey and the roads we take are deeply personal to us. What is both incredibly frustrating and quite magical about acting is that no one route looks the same, there isn’t a step by step foolproof path to success.

Listening to interviews with actors who have suffered similar struggles can help us feel less alone and offer some inspiration and motivation. Remembering that all actors experience setbacks; sometimes small ones and other times major, can remind us, that this is simply the nature of the industry and not something personal to us. It can also inspire us with innovative ideas of routes we could try or opportunities we didn’t know existed. Ultimately it’s a bit like parenthood, none of us actually know what we are doing, we are all just winging it and learning as we go, taking advice from those who have gone before us!

Understanding that some of the most successful actors in the industry were rejected from drama school, told they couldn’t act and should probably get a day job, or were rejected 500 times (true story) before they got their first role. The common theme amongst all of these actors; they never gave up and when one door closed, they pivoted and tried another door, until one opened and then another and then another.

When we witness actors who we admire the most offer wisdom on how they navigate rejection, it can offer us that sense of, inspiration; if they can do that then so can I! And you can!

I once heard an interview where Olivia Coleman shared the fact, that in her first year as a professional actor upon leaving drama school, she went to over 100 auditions and didn’t get one call back.

When Claire Foy left drama school, unlike most of her colleagues she wasn’t signed by an agent after her industry showcase, which could have felt like a major setback, but now she is one of the most talented and successful of her kind with some incredible roles under her belt.

Release Attachment to Outcome

see phone note on this.

Find Your Community

It’s all too easy to isolate ourselves when our confidence is knocked. Rejection can over time have an impact on our self esteem, making it harder to feel safe to play, be creative and get back out there. Yet this is when we need support the most, so reach out and talk with other actors who will see and understand what you are going through.

Having a safe space or group that you can connect and train with on a regular basis will keep you motivated and inspired on the days when you don’t feel like showing up. Remember, some days simply showing up is an achievement and on others it may look different. My guess is you will leave that class or talk feeling so much better and remembering why you love acting so much.

Find the Fun….

When we are feeling, low, stuck and demotivated it can be all too easy for acting to feel more painful than joyful. We are driven by our passion for the craft but passion and creativity do require nourishment to thrive. Therefore finding ways that you can feel free in a safe space without judgement to be creative and most importantly have fun, are key!

That might mean trying a new class that is just for fun or taking time to foster a hobby you love. Trying a burlesque or cabaret class, starting a hip hop dancing class or learning to box. Finding the time to learn an instrument you have always wanted to play. This will feed your creativity without it feeling like' ‘work’ and give you an outlet for your self-expression. It may seem counter intuitive to take a break or focus our time on other areas, but the beautiful thing is that this often frees us up to be more creative in all areas of our life. It is a way of filling our cup so we have more to bring to our acting.

When we have gone long periods with only rejection we can find ourselves stuck in a cycle wondering how we are going to break it. The issue is the more demotivated, self conscious, anxious and desperate we get as a result the more the cycle continues as it makes it so much harder to show up, be free and vulnerable and therefore create our best work. We need a perspective shift here to help break us out of this cycle, to find the fun in our work again, that same joy and passion that we set out with. Sometimes I get stuck in a loop of needing my work to be perfect and it starts to feel too serious and constricting. When I feel this way, I join an acting class or sign up for a course or go and do an amateur production just for the fun of it, because it reminds me that ultimately I’m here to do what I love and love what I do.

Most importantly, if this is your only takeaway from this.

Remember, never, ever give anyone else the power to dictate your success.

We get to choose wether rejection defines us.

Because ultimately, we are not defined by rejection. We are defined by our response to rejection.